101 Nauvoo Related Riddles
1. Q: Why did Nauvoo’s printing shop go through so much thread?
A: It was run by a Taylor
2. Q: What did Joseph say to Don Carlos when Don Carlos considered getting
another brother to work for him?
A: Hyrum
3. Q: What will Nauvoo’s wine industry say if you ask how it’s doing?
A: “I’m vine”
4. Q: Why did one prominent Nauvoo family go into gun manufactory rather
than vegetable farming?
A: No one wants vegetables that are Browning
5. Q: Which Iowa chief got sick of people asking him what the O stands for?
A: Chief Keokuk
6. Q: Why is the main drag in Nauvoo called Mulholland Drive?
A: It’s the only place in town you can mul, holl, and drive
7. Q: What did Governor Ford say when he wanted the Saints to get out of the
state and out of his way?
A: Honk! Honk!
8. Q: What did Edward Partridge tell the Saints as their bishop when they were
down?
A: Come on, get happy!
9. Q: What did Edward Partridge tell the Saints when he first spoke to them as
their bishop?
A: I think I love you so what am I so afraid of?
10. Q: Speaking of Edward Partridge, what didn’t he name one of his kids?
A: Cassidy
11. Q: What early Saint wore well and signed his name with quite the flourish?
A: Levi Hancock
12. Q: What would an old Nauvoo teenager say when he needed a new shirt?
A: Come on, Dad! Cut me some flax!
13. Q: Why did the polygamous Mormon cross the road?
A: To get to the other bride
14. Q: What happened when the Mormon who was crossing the road got hit by a
car?
A: He went to the other side
15. Q: What happened to the car?
A: It ended up bent in the side
16. Q: Why was there confusion over who else was with Joseph Smith, Hyrum
Smith and John Taylor at Carthage?
A: All folks had heard was that it was either Will or Richard
17. Q: Whom did the Saints not want to run into?
A: Thomas Sharp
18. Q: What was the great irony regarding Joseph Smith’s Red Brick Store?
A: Joseph was a most unprofitable prophet
19. Q: In old Nauvoo, who got everything he wanted?
A: The 500lb gorilla
20. Q: What’s sharing?
A: It’s when you have a sandwich. And you give it to me. And I eat it.
Mmm. Sandwich. I like sandwiches.
21. Q: What was sharing in Old Nauvoo?
A: It was when someone had a sandwich. And they gave it to me. And I ate
it. Mmm. Sandwich. I like sandwiches.
22. Q: What would’ve you found had you brought a bunch of bananas to old
Nauvoo?
A: Mormonkeys
23. Q: What do you call an 1840s Warsaw thug with a single facial scar?
A: Pretty
24. Q: What do you call an 1840s Warsaw thug who’s just taken a bath?
A: Disguised
25. Q: What do you call an 1840s Warsaw thug at the Seventies Hall?
A: Lost
26. Q: What do you call an 1840s Warsaw thug with kids?
A: Confused
27. Q: What do you get when you cross an 1840s Warsaw thug with a banana
peel?
A: A real slippery character
28. Q: What do you get when you cross the Carthage Greys with Big Brother?
A: Mobthink
29. Q: What do you get when you cross Thomas Sharp with a newspaper?
A: Libel
30. Q: What do you get when you cross bread, peanut butter and jelly?
A: A sandwich
31. Q: What did Louisa Pratt refuse to let her husband name their son?
A: Addison Haddison
32. Q: What did the pioneers say as they set off from Nauvoo?
A: That it was very plain what they had to do
33. Q: What did Emma tell Joseph after a spy dropped by to tell her Thomas
Sharp had taken the night off from filling his newspaper with untruths?
A: Hush my darling, be still my darling, the liar sleeps tonight
34. Q: What’s at the end of a Nauvoo rainbow?
A: W—same as everywhere else
35. Q: What’s sharing at a booksigning?1
A: It’s when you bring a sandwich. And you give it to me. And I eat it.
Mmm. Sandwich. I like sandwiches.
36. Q: What’s the difference between Joseph Smith and Benjamin Disraeli?
A: One is a prophet and seer, and the other is a sophist peer
37. Q: What’s the difference between William Law and a hardware stores
purchasing agent?
A: One’s a lying bastard and the other’s buying plaster
38. Q: What do you call an 1840s Nauvoo Saint?
A: Brother
39. Q: What do you call an 1840s Saint with a mustache?
A: Brother Mustache
40. Q: What if he were to shave?
A: Brother Babyface
41. Q: What if he weren’t a he at all?
A: Brother Sister
42. Q: What if you crossed him with the President of the United States?
A: Brother President
43. Q: Not President Brother?
A: No
44. Q: What if you crossed him with a rhinoceros and he wasn’t a he again?
A: Oh, brother!
45. Q: What do you get when you cross Star Wars with one of the original
apostles?
A: Luke “Skywalker” Johnson
46. Q: What you get when you cross a bad year of Nauvoo High School
basketball with deciduous trees?
A: Falling Leifs
47. Q: What do you get when you cross bread, tuna fish and a pickle?
A: A sandwich
48. Q: What’s the difference between corduroy and my friend Emilee?
A: One’s a ridged fabric and the other yells “Fudge? Grab it!”
49. Q: What’s the difference between a Mormon and a squirrel?
A: One chooses to eschew caffeine, and one just chooses cashews
50. Q: What’s the difference between a Regional Representative and an old
Nauvoo swineherd?
A: One’s phased out; one housed fat
51. Q: Which original apostle was wet and clammy?
A: Thomas Marsh
52. Q: Which governor of Illinois drove the Saints crazy?
A: Governor Ford
53. Q: Which original apostle isn’t noted for rubbing his belly?
A: David Patten
54. Q: What do you get when you cross New Zealand with the Nauvoo Temple
architect?
A: William Kiweeks
55. Q: What do you get when you cross William Clayton with William
Shakespeare?
A: MoTab singing:
The king's a beggar, now the play is done:
All is well ended, if this suit be won
56. Q: What do you get when you cross a Mississippi waterfowl with Old Glory?
A: A star-spangled duck.
57. Q: What do you get when you cross bread, cheese and strawberry jam?
A: A sandwich
58. Q: How did the JSA student know the correct answer to the Andrew Carnegie
test question was “Robber Baron”?
A: He remembered Carnegie founded U.S. Steal
59. Q: Why did the JSA student write notes to his family on a big rock down by
the river?
A: He heard it was stationary
60. Q: What’s the difference between the Prodigal Son and Pitt’s Brass Band?
A: One was lost but is found and one is fond of being loud
61. Q: The newly rebuilt Nauvoo temple was invited to a party of notable
American buildings. While there, he couldn’t find the Department of
Defense’s headquarters anywhere. Finally, the temple asked the Space
Needle where the place was. What did the Space Needle reply?
A: He’s not here; he’s Pentagon!
62. Q: What JSA faculty couple had a superiority complex?
A: The Bests
63. Q: What JSA faculty couple fancied themselves musically inclined?
A: The Toones
64. Q: What JSA faculty couple was terribly threatening?
A: The Warners
65. Q: What JSA faculty couple only ever plays two-thirds of any boardgame?
A: The Backmans
66. Q: Which JSA faculty couple was cute as buttons?
A: The Dahls
67. Q: Which early apostle do you get when you burn shells and bone?
A: Amasa Lyman
68. Q: If Parley P. Pratt had been born in Utah, what might his name have been?
A: ParLee ParKer Pratt
69. Q: Why did the JSA student start hanging out with the tall tree down the
street?
A: It was poplar
70. Q: Which native bird would it have been exceedingly odd to find in that
particular tree?
A: The cuckoo
71. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a colic baby in one of
the Nauvoo Ward’s packed summertime sacrament meetings?
A: Something big and grey that thousands of people wish would just shut up.
72. Q: What do you get when you cross a mongoose with JSA cafeteria rice?
A: Ricky-ticky-sticky
73. Q: What do you get when you cross the Mississippi in an umbrella?
A: Wet
74. Q: What’s the difference between Andrew Carnegie and an autumnal
Mississippi duck?
A: One’s a robber baron with dough and one’s a bobber rarin’ to go
75. Q: What’s the difference between the Old House Bookstore and the Fudge
Factory?
A: A new belt
76. Q: What’s the difference between a JSA student and an aging golfer?
A: One talks in the parlor and one tells lore about par
77. Q: What dietary supplement was the JSA student sure to take the days he
didn’t wear his wrinkle-free shirt?
A: Iron
78. Q: Why did the JSA student insist on Grade A eggs for breakfast?
A: You are what you eat
79. Q: Why did the JSA student drive the van right through the plate glass
window rather than stopping?
A: He thought everyone yelled, “Break!”
80. Q: A yield sign came to the yearly party of Nauvoo stop signs and looked
anxiously around for a good stop sign friend of his. Finally, unable to find
him, he asked Falling Rocks where he was. What did Falling Rocks
reply?
A: He’s not here, he’s octagon!
81. Q: Which original apostle was always difficult to find?
A: Orson Hyde
82. Q: Which historical Nauvoo group was cozy with the Care Bears?
A: The Icarians
83. Q: Which apostle that apostatized in Missouri really should have hung on
because he really would have felt at home in Commerce?
A: Thomas Marsh
84. Q: Why did the JSA student refuse to shake hands with cows?
A: He didn’t like to meet his meat
85. Q: Why did the JSA student out on a walk in the flats with a bunch of girls
suddenly break out into strains of “Unchained Melody?”
A: He was the sole man
86. Q: Why did the JSA student leave his literature class as they read scene B4?
A: He’d seen it before
87. Q: What was the elderly Brigham Young sued for when a longtime fan finally
met him?
A: False advertising
88. Q: What kind of cane, even in his extensive collection, did Brigham Young
refuse to ever own?
A: A hairy one from the wilds of Canada
89. Q: What confused the gentile merchants trading in Nauvoo more than
anything?
A: The apparent desire of the locals for more munns (whatever the heck
those are)
90. Q: What did the pioneers like to eat?
A: Food
91. Q: What do JSA students like to eat?
A: Food
92. Q: What do NRI missionaries like to eat?
A: Food
93. Q: What do fish like to eat?
A: Food
94. Q: For what reason did the JSA student carry around a wood board?
A: Food
95. Q: For what reason did the JSA student really carry around a wood board?
A: So would he be board, the wood board could be bored
96. Q: Why did the JSA student refuse to change his hair color?
A: He didn’t want to dye so young
97. Q: Why did the sickly JSA student purchase two prosthetic feet to wear on a
chain around his neck?
A: He wanted two heels
98. Q: It wasn’t kindness that kept the JSA student from hitting girls, but pure
self-interest—he didn’t want to hurt his hand; how so?
A: He had learned that the only difference between him and a girl was Fe
99. Q: Nauvoo arrived late to the annual temple-cities party held by Kirtland and
looked anxiously around for her favorite buddy, Portland. Unable to find
him, she finally asked Fresno if he had seen him. What did Fresno reply?
A: He’s not here; he’s Oregon!
100. Q: Which Bible as Lit lesson encouraged the JSA student to more diligently
attend choir?
A: The one where he learned that the mighty Samson had been bound with
chords
101. Q: B. H. Roberts arrived late to a party for authors who have written notable
books about Nauvoo. Hoping to meet the author of this book, he looked
all around for me. Unable to find me, he walked over to Gerald N. Lund
and asked where I was. What did Brother Lund say?
A: He’s over Theric
[ill of sandwich]
return to the table of contents
Thanks for revisiting Nauvoo with me. I would love to hear your thoughts.