FHE
Gibby is our grandma, as everybody knows
Our Moms and Pops look up to her, sometimes right up her nose
Together they lead us to fun on every Monday night
Hooray to FHE for bringing us into the light
In student wards, to help FHE along, very often a Family Home Evening Committee is called. I served on an FHE board in my singles ward the semester preceding Nauvoo; I was a father, and someone else (someone female) served as the Mother to my Father. Together we were in charge of organizing Monday night activities. Throughout the course of the semester we went to storytelling at the Museum of Art, up Provo Canyon for smores and a speaker, wallyball,1 and a host of other activities. Ruling over me and the missus and the other moms and dads were my roommate Shon and a girl from New Hampshire (who proved to me unequivocally that they really do do that funny R thing out there.) Since they headed up moms and pops, we (naturally) called them Grandma and Grandpa. This, I trust, explains all that familial terminology in above FHE portion of The JSA Song.
Since the JSA was not an ecclesiastical unit, we could not “call” anyone per se, but we needed something to do on Mondays! So we jerryrigged our own system based precisely on the one just described. Except we all were single-parent households. (There were only five people on the committee and 33 of us, so it was easier that way. Hey—sometimes that’s just the way life works out.)
My group was matriarchal and led by mother Missy. Missy had the chirp necessary to make fun Monday nights and plenty of depth for the spiritual facet. We had fine times, we did.
Often we would combine with one or more other families, but my favorite Mondays, in retrospect, were the ones spent with just Mom and the kids.
My only brother in this family was Jared, but we had sisters galore. The day Jared and I were put in charge of the activity, we found ourselves at a loss. I don’t mean to make fun of us, but let’s face it: Jared and I aren’t exactly party animals.
Fortunately, our sister Brieanne is. Or if she isn’t, she's far enough up the Party Animal Continuum that we at least couldn’t tell the difference:
[illustration]
Brieanne shared the absolute coolest idea with us. So cool in fact, that I refused to consider any other possibility for the activity. Her idea was this: everyone gets to write a chapter in everyone else's biography.
Ooo!
The writer in me was excited. (‘Stoked,’ in the vernacular.) But first I called upon the mathematician in me to provide the framework.
[illustration]
(I chose c’ instead of c because there’s another c that means the speed of light and I’ld hate to confuse myself halfway through a complicated equation only to rediscover time is relative.)
So, since p = 8 and s = a constant of 1; 8 minus 1 divided by 1 equals. . . . Ah ha! I need to prepare 7 chapters!
This was the fun part:
Chapter 1: Birth
Chapter 2: Elementary School
Chapter 3: Traumatic Childhood Experience
Chapter 4: Junior High Crush
Chapter 5: Crazy High School Graduation
Chapter 6: Loves Nauvoo Because
Chapter 7: Marriage
Chapter 8: Brattiest Kid
Chapter 9: Tragic Death
Now that the framework was complete, I needed physical materials. One again the writer in me stepped down to make room for another. Not for the mathematician this time, but the stationary store owner/operator. (Which has more clout in my inner-workings than any ole mathematician anyway.) The SS O/O rounded up fancy paper (hunter’s jacket blaze orange on one side and “white” on the other), pens that wrote well on both sides (Gelly R∂lls—this is my little corporate plug here—don’t get me started—I’ve been a huge fan since long before they were even available in the US; oh Gelly R∂lls!), and enough of both for everybody. (Extra pens so everyone could select their favorite color. I’m big into enough pens so everyone will be able to select their favorite color. It’s part of the American Dream.)
FHE began and when the activity’s time came, I explained how it would work:
First, everyone take a piece of paper. Okay, now pick a pen. Oh, any one—what’s your favorite color? Alright. Okay, okay, good. Fine. Now, write your name on the top. It doesn’t matter. Really. Well, I’m writing just my first name, but it doesn’t matter. Right. Now, hand the paper with your name on it to your, uh, is this my right? Right. Now, Chapter 1 is Birth. Uh huh. No, write it for them, not you; someone else does you. Is doing you. Whatever. No, the person who has your page. The one with your name on it, right. We’ll go for five minutes, then fold it over so the next person can’t read what you wrote, and pass it on again to the...right; thank you, to the right. And then write Chapter 2 for whoever that person is. When we’re done, everyone will have been able to write on everyone else’s page and we’ll have a complete life story; got it? Then we’ll read them, sure. Of course.
Just because everyone “got it” did not prevent us from falling into chaos. C’ is, after all, no small number for p people to handle easily. (Plus, p was greater than it might have been with the addition of Brother and Sister Toone to our reverie.)
To give you an idea of how our biographies turned out, here is my life story. I’ve placed the author’s name in front of each chapter in order to give credit where credit is due (and to discourage speculation that I am capable of such wild autobiography). Although I must admit that this brief biography has not been peer-reviewed, I trust that will not stop any future biographers of mine from using it as a top-notch source for some of the little known details of my life.
Theric’s Life Story
(as written by his Family)
1—Birth
by Katie
It was a day of rejoycing. Theric not only was the cutest boy ever born, he also came out with orange pants & a plaid shirt on. Everybody knew that he was going to have an amazing personality. Which he does.
2—Elementary School
by Jayme
All that can be said about Theric in Elementary school is that he was a loon—the class clown. Maybe he wasn’t getting enough attention at home. However, the girls were attracted to his brown floppy hair & hazel eyes & he had a few “scandals” out in the playground before he got into Jun. High.
3—Traumatic Childhood Experience
by Emilee
When Theric was out in the Backyard one day he saw a UFO flying high in the sky. The UFO Beamed him up. No one know what went on up there but to this day he sees in Orange.
4—Junior High Crush
by Missy
Theric was a little player as a cute little young man. I say little because he was so little and so cute all the ladies adored him. But KATIE was his favorite little RAT! They were so cute and ROMANTIC together full of love and spontanaity. Theric would buy her chocolates and Katie would return her love w/ orange socks & such!
5—Crazy High School Graduation
by Kari
Well it was graduation night and he showed up to the party wearing bright orange pants and a t-shirt with rolled up sleeves. He and his friends started dancing, they were dancing like birds flying around the gym floor. He was the hit of the night!
6—Loves Nauvoo Because
by Sister Toone
He loves Nauvoo because he came out of the closet (with his duds, I mean!) He’s not the only one happy, as others have enjoyed his stunning appearance.
7—Marriage
by Brother Toone
He married his true flame. The blaze never died. She did however.
8—Brattiest Kid
by Brieanne
Theric and his lovely wife had not one bratty kid . . . not two . . but three!! Triplets. All girls. Of course Theric would perform his “glove” puppet show for them to help calm them down at night.
9—Tragic Death
by Jared
Theric had a long & productive life until it was cut short when a crazy driver mistook Theric & his orange pants for an orange construction cone. The driver was an avid bumper bowler. His last words were thought to be something about Space Ghost Coast to Coast. But with Theric you never could tell. His funeral was well attended.
Note: In some ways it distresses me that my wardrobe (and, indeed, a very small percentage of my wardrobe) seems to be my most distinguishing characteristic. What about my personality? My potential for greatness? My dashing good looks?
Well, what about my personality then?
What about that great activity, then?
Well, me aside then, how about FHE as an inspired institution, huh? How about that? Yeah. That’s what I thought. FHE’s great. Me, I wear way too much orange.
return to the table of contents
Thanks for revisiting Nauvoo with me. I would love to hear your thoughts.