Thomas Sharp, Underdog
In most cases, I am always the underdog rooter. (I’m always happy to see the Yankees lose.) But there is one, cosmic exception. I’m not interested in the devil winning, underdog though he may be. He’s going down and I’m okay with that. But of course, if he loses, then that means that his enemies will win. And darn it if those crazy Mormons aren’t his enemies! And hey—I’m a Mormon! That means I’ll win! Neat!
Of course, by implication, this means the enemies of Mormons are the “friends”1 of the devil. I’m not sure that statement’s always fair, but just because the guy’s already notorious for not liking us, let’s go ahead and put Thomas Sharp in that camp. Like any good villain, Mr Sharp’s done some bad things, and like any really great villain, he’s gotten away with it. And like any absolutely fantastic villain, he’s got fans even among those who are absolutely opposed to what he has done.
Nauvoo historian Mike Trapp is one of Mr Sharp’s fans. He has long studied Mr Sharp’s life and general badness, and put together a nice little one-man show. On March 30th, 2000, he performed at the Visitors’ Center auditorium. He asked some of us students to participate; Emily and Kate were recruited to heckle him, and boy oh boy did they do a good job! Few people knew that Brother Trapp had asked them to behave in this impolite manner, but I don’t believe even he had expected Emily and Kate to prove such capable hecklers. They were, shall we say, exceedingly obnoxious, and nearly got themselves thrown out. If they hadn’t borrowed some clothes from NRI beforehand, and thus been garbed like pioneer women, I am quite sure they would have been thrown out. The audience was really agitated by them. Which is rather ironic when you consider it was Thomas Sharp Emily and Kate were heckling, there, in that LDS Visitors’ Center! Sometimes it is so hard to be sure what is right and what is wrong in this crazy world of ours.
Brother Trapp had also asked Jay, Greg, me, and three of the Elders to form a whistling and whittling brigade. In old Nauvoo, the whistling and whittling brigades were just bunches of young boys who followed suspected villains around, whistling and whittling pieces of woods. Having a bunch of younguns attached at one’s tailend is understandably unnerving, and villains so harassed generally just left town. At the appointed time, our (somewhat older than is traditional) brigade of six walked down one side of the auditorium and chased the suspected villain Mr Sharp off the stage. Heh heh. Serves him right, the old coot.
The best defense he had been able to come up with was this bit about being a lawyer and a judge and a newspaper editor—a real respectable citizen. Kate and Emily were not impressed.
“Oh yeah, writing editorials about killing the Saints and inciting riot, you mean!”
“Lawyer? Ha! You old Zeezrom!”
Those two made for a mean, mean audience. Had it really been Thomas Sharp, he likely would have sprayed them. The real Thomas Sharp, you see, is a skunk. He lives in the JSA courtyard. But after he proved to be a good neighbor, we rather regretted naming him after a known villain. Poor Thomas. Ever the underdog.
[ill]
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Thanks for revisiting Nauvoo with me. I would love to hear your thoughts.