Be a Big Boy

 

      I was online last Saturday and ran into an ad for the Allyn House in Nauvoo.  I followed the link, and there was the Allyn House in all its pixelated glory.  Now I don’t have to go to Nauvoo to buy a marble sunstone or pink calico sunbonnet.  Nosirree, I can just visit the Allyn House online and max out my credit card from home.*(*This should not be taken literally.  You know what the Brethren have said about getting into debt.  A bronze angel is no exception.)  (Although, for the record, I should note that all the pink calico sunbonnets I purchased were bought at Joseph Smith’s Red Brick Store the day the RLDS people opened it up for us out of season.  It was very nice of them, and you never can have too many bonnets.)

      I personally never bought anything more extravagant than postcards from The Allyn House.  (One in particular that I recall, showed a sunstone in profile and let me tell you—those sunstone characters had quite the proboscides.  I sent it to Lynsey and her roommates with an irreligious comment regarding the checking out of sizable schnozzes.)  Everything outside the postcard section was a tad too pricey for my blood.  But I suppose there can be no real doubt that it’s the classiest tourist joint on Mulholland Street.  And there’s also the fact that I’m devilish cheap.  What’s especially interesting about the Allyn House however, is what’s going on elsewhere in the building: the Allyn House makes 1800s-style windows on order and is making the windows for the new Nauvoo Temple.

      (Trying to confirm this through email was a little difficult.  Already the RLDS and NRI’s public relations have brushed off my emailed requests for information; the Allyn House was a lot more forthcoming, if not too verbose.  This is the entire content of their reply to me:  “We are building the windows and front doors for the Nauvoo Temple.   A small glass company in New Hampshire has supplied us with the insulated panes of glass (4102 of them).”  Thank you, Allyn House!)

      I would see the Allyns in church and Brother Allyn #1 and his “son” (son in quotes because he may actually just be a younger clone), Brother Allyn #2, look so shockingly similar that it can be make-you-seasick disconcerting.  They are one of those families that has genes so incredibly dominant that the whole family looks practically identical.  If Brother Allyn #2 ever had to go to the morgue to identify Brother Allyn #1 (or vice versa), the coroner would either promptly pass out or take one look and say, “Nevermind.  That’s your pappy [or clone] in there all right.”

      Another reason (besides my lack of need for bronze angel on walnut paperweight) that I didn’t frequent the Allyn House was its distance from the Academy.  Or so I say.  But that can’t be quite true unless crossing the street was simply too much to ask, because it is right next to the post office and I did frequent the post office.

      I guess the real reason is that it felt intimidatingly highbrow to me.  I liked the antique store where everything was dusty with untold age much better.  I guess I feel obligated to yes buy and no touch at clean, pristine stores.  But the Allyns minding the shop were never at all snootytooty.  Quite the contrary.  One time I was there, and this in one of my favorite Nauvoo anecdotes, a mother and her three- or four-year-old son were minding the store.  As I left, the little guy told me to “Be a big boy!”

      I’ve tried my very hardest best.

      And if I didn’t get a marble sunstone, I’ve still kept the really cool marbled blue paper bag they put my receipt and postcards in.  It’s really neat, really high class.  And I’ll bet by now it’s even dusty.

 

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Thanks for revisiting Nauvoo with me. I would love to hear your thoughts.