More on Flirting
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 21:30:28 MST
From: "Théric W. Jepson" </ / / / / / / /@hotmail.com>
To: / / / /@email.byu.edu
Subject: Flirting, pt ii
Dear Pristinia1,
Of course you may send it to your friend! Of course! I live to serve, and my royalty percentages are nominal!
Now Pristinia, as your attorney, I feel it my duty to be very frank with you concerning the ways in which you are perceived as being, shall we say, *flirtatious*. In doing so, I wish to emphasize that everything I say in this email is purely professional and in no way to be construed as mutually flirtatious. Do you understand? I am, after all, engaged.
REASONS WHY PRISTINIA'S A FLIRT
Before mentioning things she specifically DOES, it is necessary to mention the way she specifically IS.
Pristinia IS: cute. In the sense that puppies or kittens or precocious three-year-olds are cute; (especially precocious three-year-olds;) that is, fun, energetic, innocent and (seemingly) harmless. In other words, enjoyable and nonthreatening.
Pristinia IS: extreme. When Pristinia has an emotion or has a response to something, there can be no doubt as to what it is. When she is happy, she is happy. When she is shocked, she is shocked.
Pristinia IS: shockable. Nothing is so cute in an extreme person as shockability.
[Let me interrupt myself here by pointing out that the things just mentioned as part of your character ARE NOT BAD THINGS. In fact, Pristinia, they are very good things. They are, um, cute, endearing and very likable. And attractive. So I guess if you don't like being those things then you should work on not being cute, extreme and shockable. Otherwise, just be glad that your natural self is such a pleasant self.]
Now for the things Pristinia does which can easily be interpreted as flirtation (this has no claim to be a complete list):
1) Pristinia is emotionally honest with whoever she is communicating with. She is without guile.
Explanation: In our culture, emotional honesty is uncommon, to say the least. For this reason it is all the more commendable, but since folks are unused to it, it can come off as flirtation. Why? Because in one sense, flirting is acting as if a "Relationship" exists when one does not. Since most people are not used to emotional honesty, when they receive it, it is like they are being allowed into some inner sanctum hidden from the rest of the world. Or, it seems like they are being treated as if they are in a "Relationship", capital R.
2) Pristinia is not afraid of close physical proximity.
Explanation: Not unreasonably close, but at least in my experience, the only lassies who get so in-my-face are people who at least SEEM to be looking for something other than mere engaging conversation. This is a meaningless sign that can be misconstrued.
3) Pristinia hits guys.
Explanation: Yes, this really is flirting. Why? Because it is touching, and any touching from an attractive young lady is flirting in the mind of any healthy lad. Sorry, it's the way they're wired.
This was not in anyway a complete list. It was not intended to be. It was meant to show that simply living is flirting. This is a conclusion I haven't said, but has been underlying in both of these essays. Romantic involvement (here comes that frankness again) is a NECESSARY part of life, no way around it. Without romance, there ARE NO PEOPLE. C'est la life.
THEREFORE, if Romance is inseparable from the life experience, then living is at every level in some way connected with it. Now granted, that a bit of a sweeping statement—probably to the point of not being true—but it represents a very real Truth. Flirting is unavoidable. At some level, in every intergender relationship, there is a basic awareness of—shall we say—"Possibility"? And therefore just the VERY WAY YOU ARE is flirting. The VERY WAYS in which YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF are flirting. FLIRTING IS LIFE!!!!! I wish it weren't so.
Let me correct myself: I wished it weren't so. I was the most stiffbilly stuffedshirt you ever saw before about ten months ago. I've learned a lot from being engaged. It’s alright to interact, and misinterpretation is inevitable. I’ve learned to deal with it.
Anyway Pristinia, back to the point, the purpose of this essay was not to make you self-conscious, but to set you free (after a sense). You are a beautiful person, and if this attracts people to you, what are you supposed to do about it? Make yourself ugly? less attractive? Your Heavenly Father loves you and apparently thinks you can handle the attention. Don't let it go to your head, but be aware that people are going to think highly of you and perhaps, on occasion, misunderstand what you do. Don't try to break hearts or anything, but don't be afraid of who you are. Be happy. Flirt away--it's not a dirty word.
--- Dr E, th.
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Thanks for revisiting Nauvoo with me. I would love to hear your thoughts.